I went to lunch with some friends for a birthday celebration. The birthday girl chose a local restaurant known for its sushi. I am not a fan of sushi. It's not that I am wary of adventure, it's this severe allergy to tilapia I've recently developed. I have read that salmon and tuna along with tilapia are among a group of fish that adults like me are becoming allergic seemingly out of nowhere. My reaction was severe and probably had something to do with parasites. Enough said.
We had a lot of fun at lunch. They enjoyed their meal and we laughed at my being frightened by the eel on their platter. I declared my area a serpent-free zone. Then one of my friends regaled us with a tale of a joke played on her in just such a restaurant when something ordered for her was served with its organs still functioning. Yep. That's what she said. As a life long lover of all creatures, I could hardly stand it.
The morning after our lunch, I woke up with the vivid recollection of a dream of a blanched dolphin, white and still, being carved like a turkey and the pieces of meat being neatly arranged on a plate. Then the animal blinked his eye. I still shudder at the thought.
There have been times that after a hard relationship day when I am certain I have been the victor, I have a dream that my husband has met another woman and left me. So instead of carrying my feeling of superiority into the the next day, I find myself contrite and apologetic.
I have experienced the death of family members over and over again. I wake up sobbing and then relieved that it had been just a dream. There have been car accidents, kidnappings and abandonment themes with which I've had to contend. It's terribly upsetting, yet I continue to knock them off.
About 20 years ago, I read a book about programming your dreams to help you work out challenges in your life. It was "Living Your Dreams" by Gayle Delaney. http://www.amazon.com/Living-Your-Dreams-Problems-Enrich There are easy step by step instructions to follow at bedtime. It was truly cool and it really worked. Nothing psychedelic required. Since we are the author of our dreams, casting characters and dialogue, we are the best candidates for deciphering their meaning. Possibly something for me to look into so I can stop tormenting myself as I sleep.
Every once in a while, though, even I can have something kind of nice come out of an otherwise disturbing dream. Most recently, I was on a fishing boat with my brother and some friends. Somehow, I kept getting left behind on little islands where we would stop to catch blue claw crabs and things. I was chasing after the boat with my fishing gear tangled around me. Suddenly, a very nice looking guy, tanned and shirtless stopped to give me a hand.
The next day for me was spent being a little bit contrite and apologetic.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Anxious about Autism...Again
Yesterday was hectic. It began by my 7 year old being in intense pain with the onset of his second ear infection. The first had just resolved after 6 weeks, 5 doctor appointments and 5 prescriptions. I was scheduled to volunteer at the elementary school's semi-annual bookfair at 8:40 AM. I administered ibuprofen to my boy and waited. By the time it kicked in (that stuff is miraculous) and I knew he could go to school we headed out, but we were late. It was just 25 minutes, but the stage was set for an off day.
At 1:15 PM as I was leaving, my volunteer duties completed, I was called aside by a therapist at the school. She works with my 10 year old who is on the Autistic Spectrum. This therapist is someone I trust. We have been collaborating for 5 years on my son's behalf. He has always been mainstreamed and his issues have been pretty much text book for his disorder.
As his 4th grade school year winds down, I was asked to think about our upcoming meeting to discuss 5th grade and how it would affect the transition to middle school. She mentioned something about him being placed in the Autistic Support Program in middle school and from that moment, I didn't hear anything else she said. My mind started racing. "What?" "Why would we do that?" "But, wait, he's always been in regular classes." "Is he getting worse?" "Oh, no." "Please, no."
Despite my ability to advocate for services, for several years after his diagnosis at age 3 1/2, I did not say the words Autism or Asperger's. I just couldn't. In fact, if any family member, educator or therapist tried to give me information on the disorder I would become overwhelmed with anxiety. Usually, these situations would send me fleeing in the direction of home to safety. Any plans I may have had would have to be postponed or cancelled. Forget about laundry, cooking, grocery shopping and the rest of it. It was a bad place and a bad time. And I thought it was totally behind me.
I had a lunch date yesterday afternoon with a good friend with whom I volunteered at the bookfair. She was very accommodating and after I told her about the conversation with the therapist, she happily accompanied me to my house and we ordered take-out. Ah, sweet safety.
Later, I secured a last minute appointment at the doctor for my 7 year old's ear infection. When I got there, I realized I had forgotten my purse with my insurance information and credit cards so I had to call my husband to bring it to me.
I missed my yoga class last night at 7.
Thank goodness days like this don't happen very often anymore. Overall, I made it to the doctor appointment. I touched base with a friend who is also an autism parent. I took good care of my boys. I slept pretty well last night. I think I did a little bit better.
At 1:15 PM as I was leaving, my volunteer duties completed, I was called aside by a therapist at the school. She works with my 10 year old who is on the Autistic Spectrum. This therapist is someone I trust. We have been collaborating for 5 years on my son's behalf. He has always been mainstreamed and his issues have been pretty much text book for his disorder.
As his 4th grade school year winds down, I was asked to think about our upcoming meeting to discuss 5th grade and how it would affect the transition to middle school. She mentioned something about him being placed in the Autistic Support Program in middle school and from that moment, I didn't hear anything else she said. My mind started racing. "What?" "Why would we do that?" "But, wait, he's always been in regular classes." "Is he getting worse?" "Oh, no." "Please, no."
Despite my ability to advocate for services, for several years after his diagnosis at age 3 1/2, I did not say the words Autism or Asperger's. I just couldn't. In fact, if any family member, educator or therapist tried to give me information on the disorder I would become overwhelmed with anxiety. Usually, these situations would send me fleeing in the direction of home to safety. Any plans I may have had would have to be postponed or cancelled. Forget about laundry, cooking, grocery shopping and the rest of it. It was a bad place and a bad time. And I thought it was totally behind me.
I had a lunch date yesterday afternoon with a good friend with whom I volunteered at the bookfair. She was very accommodating and after I told her about the conversation with the therapist, she happily accompanied me to my house and we ordered take-out. Ah, sweet safety.
Later, I secured a last minute appointment at the doctor for my 7 year old's ear infection. When I got there, I realized I had forgotten my purse with my insurance information and credit cards so I had to call my husband to bring it to me.
I missed my yoga class last night at 7.
Thank goodness days like this don't happen very often anymore. Overall, I made it to the doctor appointment. I touched base with a friend who is also an autism parent. I took good care of my boys. I slept pretty well last night. I think I did a little bit better.
Monday, March 5, 2012
A beginning
There's so much to say about so many things that a blog is what I need to do. I start by saying that I am a mom of two boys, 7 and 10. My 7 year old is a typically developing child and my 10 year old has mild autism spectrum disorder. All things children are ok for today. I am grateful.
I am a wife. I have been married for 12 years. I have learned much about myself through navigating my marriage. Some of what I learned didn't surprise me and some shocked me.
I am unemployed. I say that because I have been interviewing for jobs both in and out of my field for 4+ years even though I last worked full time in 2001. I had been working for the State of New Jersey when my first son was born and I was unable to return as I had planned because he was premature and needed me to be home. I wanted to return to my job. Last September 1st, Governer Chris Christie enacted legislation to prevent people from outside of the state from being employed there unless they agree to move into New Jersey within one year of being hired. Unfortunately, I was not hired back before the law took effect. Frustrating.
Those are the highlights of the current events in my life. Some good days and some bad. I hope to grow through this blog by sharing about my life in the areas mentioned. Hope you can identify with this Little Bit.
I am a wife. I have been married for 12 years. I have learned much about myself through navigating my marriage. Some of what I learned didn't surprise me and some shocked me.
I am unemployed. I say that because I have been interviewing for jobs both in and out of my field for 4+ years even though I last worked full time in 2001. I had been working for the State of New Jersey when my first son was born and I was unable to return as I had planned because he was premature and needed me to be home. I wanted to return to my job. Last September 1st, Governer Chris Christie enacted legislation to prevent people from outside of the state from being employed there unless they agree to move into New Jersey within one year of being hired. Unfortunately, I was not hired back before the law took effect. Frustrating.
Those are the highlights of the current events in my life. Some good days and some bad. I hope to grow through this blog by sharing about my life in the areas mentioned. Hope you can identify with this Little Bit.
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